What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 19.06.2025 03:30
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I was very sick at this time too.
How can you know if they are your twin flame and not limerence or obsession?
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I couldn’t, believe it.
She loved him until the end.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Is the Donald Trump Bible any different from a regular Bible? Has Trump altered its contents?
I waited trembling.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I dreamt my mother had died and I cried so much in my dream. What does it mean?
My life is so biszare .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
It was going to be , some day.
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My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
One cannot live in the past .
I never cut or harmed myself..
How does growing up in chaos affect a child as they become an adult?
All the time i was locked up.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Why is my crush beautiful to me but not to others?
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
How can I fall asleep fast at night?
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Who then, do I blame.?
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
So whats the point in blame.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I have no regrets .
As i do to all so called friends.?
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I don,t even have a pension.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I was seconnd youngest,
Why did i forgive my father ?
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
She wouldn,t have been !
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I said to her
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
He knew the spot.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I was 9 years of age.
But it wasn’t much.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
She was in good health!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Would this be the day?
This is soul school!.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
When she asked me how she looked .
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
(And it was in our own minds.)
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Especially a lifetime of it.
Ive learnt so much.
We all went to grammer schools
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I was scared of men, in general
But, we were locked up after school.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Im still living with it.
I will be 64.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
So, i spoilt her more .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I write beautiful poetry .
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
What did i know ?
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I could never make a relationship work though!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
She found it foreign!.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
We were not on the streets..
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I think the readers, may guess!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
And i lived it daily.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
He resisted the act ,that day.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
My mum and dad in the seventies!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Put me off passion for life!!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
My family never makes their pension either.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
She married twice! .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Comes on , in middle age.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.